


TRUST: A Dance in Three Movements

by Maverick



Category: Oz - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-27
Updated: 2010-05-27
Packaged: 2017-10-09 18:10:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/90135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maverick/pseuds/Maverick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A B/K lockdown fic written originally for the Oz Zine, <i>Ad Seg.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	TRUST: A Dance in Three Movements

**Adagio**

**&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt; **

Don't trust anyone -It's the motto that's kept me alive this long. It's a lesson I learned early. As soon as you trust someone, they'll no doubt stab you in the back, sometimes literally.

Not that I'm what you'd call trustworthy either. I'm a con man through and through. The sincere sell was always my specialty, and it's a secret weapon I've always got cocked. It's second nature. I can and will make you believe-in the grift, in yourself, in your judgement and in me.

Always in *me*.

I'll make you believe so strong that you'll still be singing my praises long after I'm gone with all your life savings. So trust ain't something I believe in, but sometimes you've gotta trust to get what you want.

And what I want is Beecher .

I ain't never worked so hard for something in my whole damn life. Never thought anything, anyone would be worth the trouble. But Toby. he surprised me. Crazy ex-prag took what I threw at him, what Vern threw at him, and got up off the ground, and gave it back.

In spades.

I didn't think he had it in him. Didn't think anyone had *that* in 'em. By all accounts he should be playing in the psych ward or he should be dead. But he ain't. He's here, spread out on *my * bunk, breathless and spent. I don't think anyone's ever sucked his dick before. Or if they did, they weren't no good at it.

Every stroke of my hand, every swipe of my tongue, every slight scrape of my teeth across his shaft had him grasping the sheets and writhing against the bunk. His head arched back, his strong neck exposed and his arms so taut his veins were popping like a junkie ready for a fix. And the sounds, oh God the sounds he made.keening mews and moans he muffled with a pillow. And then he started chanting my name. "Chris, Chris, Chris," over and over again. The way he said my name, with such a combination of lust and reverence made my heart pound against my chest and my cock so damn hard I thought I would come then and there. And that would have been a first.

Maybe because Toby ain't some nameless, faceless fuck. But my name on his lips while he came in my mouth tore something free inside of me. It ain't like it's ever been before.

I mean when it comes to fucking, I'm an expert. I know how to make someone come hard and quick. That's something I'm good at. Sticking my dick into something warm and tight, taking a cock deep in my throat.that's never been a problem for me. It never takes much effort to get someone, anyone to spread their legs or open their mouths for me. It's a gift. I know it. And one that I use whenever the opportunity arises. But Beecher ain't what you'd call easy. Sure in the beginning, he probably would have spread his cheeks for me without much effort. But it wouldn't have been about *me*, it would have been about the comfort I or someone else could provide. But it's different now. Now it's me and him. He knows me, knows what I'm capable of and yet, he still wants me.

He invited me back into his life, back into our pod. He invited me into his bed. And I ain't ever fucking leaving. He's mine. And nobody. Fucking *nobody* is ever gonna take him away from me again. I'll make sure of that. It doesn't seem possible that only a week ago I thought this was hopeless, that Toby would never forgive me.

But right now, he's pulling me out of the bed so I'm standing against the bunks, my arms spread wide and Toby's naked on his knees in front of me. I have imagined this scene so many times, jerked off to it more times than I can count. And I knew once I had my dick in his mouth it would never be enough.

Ever.

But the fantasy has nothing on the reality.

He slides his hand down the front of my boxers, cupping my balls as his other hand pulls the shorts off. He rubs his stubbled cheek across my thigh as he takes my dick in his hand. He looks up at me with a glint in his eye. Baring his teeth, he says, "You know, I bit the tip off the last dick, I had in my mouth."

I look down and nod. "I know."

He licks his lips, that long tongue of his circling his mouth. He runs his hand up and down my shaft, his thumb circling the head almost in time with his tongue. He exhales a warm breath that makes me shudder. "I'm just saying, you're entering at your own risk."

He's not threatening, just making sure I know where we stand. "I know Toby, and I trust you."

And I do.

He sees the truth of it in my eyes, and then that mouth is on my dick and life won't ever be the same.

Because Toby's never done *this* because he wanted to, because he needed to. I'm not talking survival or fear. I'm talking extreme ardor, wanting something, someone for so long and so bad that it possesses you. It's all you can think about, dream about. The sight of them, the smell of their body, the rasp of their voice, washes over you until you ache from it, until it burns you from the inside out. It's all consuming. So that when you finally get it, it's almost more that you can handle. More than you could ever have imagined. And nobody has ever made Toby *feel* like that.

Nobody but *me*.

Right now he's relentlessly sucking my dick. Wet, hot heat so focused, so intense that I don't know how long I can hold out. I knew that Toby would approach cocksucking with the same zeal, the same passion and purpose he does everything else. The very same depth of feeling, the same intensity that he hated me with. But I can't think about that now, not when he's taking my dick deep in his throat.

He lets go of my ass and rubs his hand across my belly and up my chest until his fingers brush against my mouth. I know what he wants. It's a move I taught him just a few minutes before. I slip those blunt fingers into my mouth getting them good and wet. He moves them in and out in time with the rhythm of his mouth on my cock, and I have to close my eyes tight to keep from coming then and there. I want it to last. I need it to last. I want those blunt fingers deep in my ass when I come because I want this to be different for Toby too. I want to make sure he knows it's *me*. Because there's no way in fuck, Vern let Toby stick his fingers in his ass.

This ain't about obligation or self preservation. This is about pleasure and the two of us. I spread my legs wider to give him better access to my ass, and then he's pushing a finger inside me, and I can't help but moan. He looks up at me concerned. "Christ Toby, that feels so fucking good," I tell him between panted breaths. He smiles around my dick and gets down to business, slipping another finger into my ass. This one finding my prostate on the first try. And then his fingers are moving in as his mouth is moving out, and I'm a goner.

I've had my cock sucked more times than I can count, but nothing, no one has felt this good. He sucks my cock deep into his throat and shimmies his tongue along the underside of my dick as his finger flicks against my prostate, and it feels so fucking incredible that soon, too soon I'm standing on my toes and grabbing the bunk frame so tight I may rip it right off the goddamn wall. Then I shout his name way too fucking loud, but I don't care. I'm shooting down his throat. At long last I'm coming in Toby's mouth, and it's too much. It's all too much, and I'm slipping to the floor. He pulls his fingers free and wraps his arms around me, guiding me down. And all the while his mouth is still closed around my dick as I shudder from the last tremors of my orgasm. And then his mouth is on mine, his fingers in my hair and he's saying, "I love you, I love you," in between frantic kisses.

I pull his head away. I have to see his eyes. He meets my gaze, his face flushed and his eyes shining. "I love you Toby," I say. "God help me, I love you." And then I'm crushing my mouth to his, and I can't get enough. I don't think I'll ever get enough. And then he pulls away and crawls to the far end of the bunk and says, "hack" under his breath.

Murphy peers in and sees us both sitting on the floor naked, me at one end of the bunk, Toby at the other, and we can't help laughing. After a quick tap on the window and an arm motioning us to get in the bunks, he moves on.

A New Year's reprieve.

**Passo E Mezzo**

**&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;  **

I stumble out of bed and fish my boxers off the floor. Toby's just taken a piss and is washing his hands at the sink. He meets my eyes with a smile. I'm groggy, but I can't help but smile back. It's a New Year. It's a new day and so much has fucking changed. It's kind of making me dizzy, but in a good way. The buzzer sounds, and we line up at the door. They got us locked up in here tighter than McManus's ass. But still each morning we line up inside our sealed cages for count. Toby's standing next to me, shoulder to shoulder, closer than he did yesterday. A hellava a lot closer, and I'm grinning like the cat that swallowed the canary.

He leans over and whispers into my ear, just like the old days. 'Cept, I don't remember his tongue darting and flicking along my lobe sending shots of electricity straight to my dick. Well at least not so blatantly. "You keep smiling like that they're going think you *like* being locked up tight inside here with me," he says meeting my smile with his own.

I let my hand slide against his thigh as I bring my arms up to cross against my chest. "Well, you're a crazy motherfucker, but I think I can deal with you for a while longer."

He's still talking directly into my ear and if he keeps it up, my dick's gonna be popping out the slit of my boxers greeting the hacks hello. "Well only if you're sure. I mean it's been a good ten minutes since I asked McManus to swap roommates again."

He means it as a joke, but it strikes me still. I get stiff and not in a good way. I turn to look him in the eye. He has to understand that ain't an option. No one. No. One. Is ever going to move in this pod with him again. I ain't replaceable.

He must be reading my thoughts on my face cause he's squeezing the back of my neck to calm me. He looks me dead in the eye. "I was kidding Chris. You're stuck with me. Ok."

I nod my head in agreement and turn back forward as the hacks approach our side of the quad. He runs his thumb across my jaw before letting his arms hang at his sides. He leans over once more, his tongue dancing against my ear again. "Besides, I've got plans for you tonight," he says as Mineo approaches our pod with his clipboard.

"You do?" I answer as Mineo moves on to the next pod.

"Yep," he says as he turns his head to meet my eyes. "Tonight, you're gonna fuck me."

My jaw drops wide open like some cartoon caricature, but of all the things I thought I'd hear out of Toby's mouth, that never even entered my mind. Not this soon.

Not ever.

And then the buzzer sounds again, and Toby walks to the back of the pod and leans against the wall, a look of triumph on his face. I follow him and mimic his position, back against the wall, arms at the side, palms splayed flat against the cool concrete. I swallow hard. He's nearly rendered me speechless. Chalk up another first for Toby. "You mind repeating that," I say looking straight ahead.

His hand covers mine along the wall. "You have trouble hearing? Maybe you should have Dr. Nathan take a look at that when and if they let us out of here."

"Toby," I say much more desperate than I ever remember my voice being in a long time.

He pushes off the wall and turns so he's standing directly in front of me. He places his hands on either side of my head against the wall. "Tonight, you're gonna fuck me."

He says it like he's so sure, like it's a done deal and that. That just pisses me off because this ain't how it was supposed to happen. I had it all planned out, a little seduction, a lot of touching. Just my hands and mouth all over his body, making him feel so good that he'd agree eventually. "I am, am I? You sure about that?" I ask my voice desperately neutral.

He squeezes my shoulder and shakes his head yes. "Oh yeah. No doubt in my mind." Grabbing his book off the chair, he walks away and hops up on his bunk. And I'm left standing there stunned.

I walk the few steps to the bunk and just stand there silent watching him read. "Do I get a say in this?" I ask as I run my hands across the blanket on his bunk.

He looks up and smiles, his head cocked to one side like he don't understand what I'm asking. "You're gonna tell me, you *don't* want to fuck me?"

"I didn't say that," I mumble.

He laughs. He fucking laughs. "That's what I thought." And he goes back to his book like it's no big deal. But it is.

I take the book out of his hand, and he meets my eyes. "We should talk about this Toby."

He smiles at me indulgently, not even mad that I grabbed the book and that just makes me want to fuck him even more. I drop his book and slip down into my own bunk.

"Hey," he says peering over the side. "What's to talk about Chris? You want to fuck me. I want you to fuck me. We're in agreement for once. Let's not fuck it up with words."

I know I must sound stupid, but I have to know he understands what he's offering. "Toby. It ain't that easy."

He slides off his bunk and crouches down next to mine. "Why are you doing this? Why the fuck are you trying to talk me out of it?"

I sit up so that my legs are on either side of him. I press my thighs against his. "I'm not Toby. Believe me, I'm not. But I gotta be sure."

He's mad. I can feel the anger sweating off him. Nobody likes their motives questioned. If I were him, I'd be pissed too. But I gotta push it. I have to. He smiles, all tooth and bluster. "Sure of *what* Chris?"

He's gonna make me say it. Motherfucker's gonna make me say it. "I gotta be sure you know what you're offering."

He laughs. It's not a happy sound. He puts his hands on my thighs, fingers splayed. He grips them tight, his blunt fingers digging deep. "Your dick. My ass. I get it Chris." He squeezes harder and meets my eyes. "Believe me, I. Get. It. One thing I can say about having Schillinger as my welcome wagon is that I'm acutely aware of what I'm offering."

I narrow my eyes and just look at him for a long time. "And you still want to?" I ask quietly.

His anger has ebbed. He gets why I'm asking. "Yes, Chris, I want to. With *you* I want to."

"Ok." I lean forward for a quick kiss. "Ok."

He stands up and hoists himself back up to his bunk.

It's decided.

We spend the rest of the day just enjoying each other's company. It feels like it used to be except now it's real. It's not about the scam or a con. It's just two guys shooting the shit, playing chess and watching the hacks scuttle around like ants. There are some drawbacks to keeping us locked up 24/7. Now they gotta do all the shit jobs they normally pawn off on us, which works to our advantage. An overworked hack ain't quite as likely to be zealous in his rounds.

I'm stretched out on my bunk as Toby washes up at the sink before lights out. I'm flipping though a magazine, but what I'm really doing is watching him. He sees me watching and smiles at me in the mirror. He goes over to his footlocker and pulls out a bottle of something and tosses it to me. I catch it. It's lotion from the hospital. "For later," he says.

And it hits me. This is gonna happen. This is really gonna happen. My heart is pounding and my mouth is dry. I set the lotion down on the bunk as my hands are shaking. I half expect to wake up and find that this is all some fucked up dream of mine. I just ain't the type of guy that wins the fucking lottery. But then the lights go out, and Toby's stripping off his clothes and sliding into the bunk next to me.

"Hey," he says, rubbing his hands across my chest as he leans in for a kiss.

"Hey," I say back, rolling over so I'm lying on top of him. I raise up on my forearms and just look at him, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness. I see the hickeys and stubble burn I left across his neck and chest the night before, and it makes my dick twitch. The sight of Toby's body marked by my teeth rushes through me like a drug. I'm high on it. He's mine. Finally. Finally, he's all fucking mine. I shimmy my way down his body, licking and nipping a path to his cock. I rub my stubble along his hard, full shaft, and he shudders beneath me.

I kiss his hipbone and look up at him and smile. "You want me to suck your dick, Toby? Is that what you want?"

"Yes," he says running his fingers through my hair. So I do what he asks. I wrap my lips around his dick and massage his balls trying to make him come fast and hard. I work my magic, a lethal combination of wet hard suction and the smooth glide of lips and teeth and tongue. And soon he's panting and grabbing the sheets, his hips bucking up into my mouth. I relax my throat and let him slide in deep. I close my mouth around his cock and hum knowing the vibration in my throat will be too much for him. I look up and watch him, watch him lose the fight over his control. And then he's gone, he's shooting down my throat, and I decide there has never been a hotter sight than Toby when he comes.

I lick my lips and grin up at him as he tries to catch his breath. "That was," he pants, his chest heaving..

"Yeah, it was," I say as I crawl up and curl into him, my own hard-on digging into his hip. "You still up for the other?" I ask watching his eyes.

He nods and slides his hand into the slit of my boxers and wraps his fist around my dick. "Well, I wouldn't say I was *up*, not after that but yes Chris. I still want you to fuck me."

He uses his other hand to pull my shorts down and off. I still can't get over how easy this seems for him. He's made his decision and he's going to follow through. I'm just gonna make damn sure he doesn't regret it. I'm gonna make it so good for him that he'll be begging me to fuck him night and day.

I have him turn over onto his stomach, and I begin by massaging his shoulders and down his back. I kiss and bite a path up and down his spine, stopping to nuzzle his stab wound. Then blow cool air against the back of his neck making him shudder beneath me.

I straddle him and then lay down full on top of him. I let my erection nudge against his ass sliding back and forth. He reaches back and grabs my head for a sloppy kiss.

"You like that?" I ask doing it again.

He answers by picking up the lotion and shoving it into my hand. He's telling me it's time. Rolling off of him, I slide onto the floor. I stand up, check for hacks and then grab the pillow off Toby's bunk. I fold it in half and slide it under him. He pulls me to him for a quick but thorough kiss which just makes my dick that much harder. I pull away and slide back onto the bunk. I flip open the top of the lotion bottle and squeeze out a large amount. It's cold, so I rub my hands together to warm it up. The friction of my hands makes drops of lotion splatter across Toby's back and ass. I begin massaging his ass with my fingers working my way toward the center, and then I slip one and then another inside of him. Pulling them back out, I squirt more lube onto my fingers and slip my other hand under Toby's body to stroke his cock.

It's pretty limp at first, but the more I work my fingers inside him, the more erect he gets.

Turning my head, I rub my cheek against his back so that my stubble leaves slight scratches against his pale skin as my fingers twist and stretch their way deeper inside Toby's sweet ass.

"Does that feel good?" I ask. He simply moans and arches his back onto my fingers.

I decide that one night real soon I'm gonna make Toby come just from my fingers in his ass. He moans again and squeezes my fingers. If we had more time, I would keep this up for hours because I'm quickly learning that Toby's one responsive lover. It's going to be great fun to torture him with pleasure, but we just don't have enough time tonight.

On the pillow, he turns his head to the side so he can see me behind him, and I swear he knows what I'm thinking. "Fuck me Chris. We're running out of time."

I nod my head yes. "Turn over, Toby. I need you to look at me. I need for you to see *me*. It's just you and me, baby. You and me," I say as I turn him over, my fingers still deep inside him. I continue to work them in and out, varying the depth and strength of my movements as I watch the pleasure wash across his face. This is new to me, normally if I'm fucking a guy it's from behind. No need to see his face, that ain't the hole I'm concerned with. But this is Toby so those instincts got no place here.

And I really do need to see his face. I need to know for sure that we're even. All's forgiven. This ain't about payment for me shanking Schillinger, this ain't some scam he's come up with to get me back once and for all. Somewhere deep inside, I know this is real, but I can't trust that. Not just yet. "You and me," I say again as I pull my fingers out of him. I wipe them on my discarded boxers as I stare down at him.

He meets my eyes. He reaches out to touch my face, his hand trembling as he runs his fingers against my lips. "Just you. Chris. Just you." Then his lips are on mine, his tongue taking up residence inside my mouth. And it's time.

I hook my arm under his knee and push it back against his chest. There's not a whole lot of room on this cot, but I do my best to make him comfortable. Raising up on one arm, I lock my eyes with his as I grasp my dick and slowly push my way inside. He gasps and I stop, worried I hurt him. He blows out a breath and smiles. "More," he pants. I start to move again, gauging his reactions by his eyes. I expected to see pain and fear, and there is some of that. But mostly, his eyes are bright with love and desire. He can't hide from me, not now. I can see everything. And I know, deep down I know he wants this. He *needs* this as much if not more than I do.

And if I still doubted that, his fingers digging into my ass and pulling me deeper inside drive the point home. Finally, I'm balls deep inside Toby, and I can't move. I can't breath. I've waited so long. It's too much. But then Toby is arching into me and pulling my mouth to his own. And I can't be still. I have to move.

I wanted to go slow. I wanted to take my time, but that just ain't possible. The feel of my dick in Toby's ass is excruciating in its pleasure. I swear to God, nothing has ever felt so fucking good. It's all too much. The walls of his ass grip my cock as I drive deeper inside him, his arms dig into my biceps, egging me on, telling me to go faster, to pump harder. All that exists is the feel of our bodies working in sweet tandem, clawing out it's harsh rhythm. A rhythm that can't be slowed and won't be denied. I'm lost in the press of his mouth against mine. Our lips only break apart when the need for air makes us dizzy. And after a quick gasp of air our mouths are fused once more. No words are spoken. We are beyond that. All we can do is feel.

I reach between us and take his dick in my hand. I wrap my fist around it and let the furious movements of our bodies push it up and down as I thrust in and out. Toby wraps his other leg around my waist and digs his heel into the small of my back. It's like I just can't get deep enough inside him. Whatever I give him, he needs more. He meets me thrust for thrust, kiss for kiss. The frantic friction of our bodies against each other makes me feel like we're on fire. And I guess we are. We are burning for each other and burning for release. And when it comes. Christ, when it comes, it feels like I've been ripped apart from the inside out. I have never come so hard or so long. And Toby's right there with me.

We are both shaking, long denied oxygen filling our lungs. I want to stay like this. I want to wallow in it. But the hacks are moving on the far side of the quad, so we can't. I roll off and try to stand. My legs nearly give way, but I upright myself and walk to the sink to wet a washcloth. I wipe myself down and I feel Toby's lips on the back of my neck, his hands on my hips. "Thank you," he says as he moves to the john. The hacks are close so I duck into my bunk and turn to my side so I can see Toby. He meets my eyes, and we just stare at each other. There's nothing else to say. When it's all clear, Toby comes back to the bunk and squats down to give me a kiss. "I love you," he says as he hops back to his own bunk.

"I love you," I echo as I let the smell of sex and Toby lull me to sleep.

**Tordain**

&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;&gt;&lt;  

I'm watching him brush his teeth when I decide. I walk over and cup my hand at the back of his neck, and the sense of déjà vu is heavy. But this time he just tilts his head toward me and smiles at me around his toothbrush. "What?" he says after he spits. "You've got that look in your eye."

"What look?" I ask as I sweep my thumb back and forth across his nape.

"The look that says you want to fuck me through the mattress," he says cupping his hand under the water to catch some to swish around his mouth.

I move in closer. "I did that last night remember," I say biting his bare shoulder.

He spits again. "Oh yeah, how could I forget," he says rubbing his ass. "Seriously, what's on your mind?"

The smell of mint is heavy on his breath, and it makes my mouth water. I turn and make sure there are no hacks around, and when I know the coast is clear, I take his head in my hands and kiss him, hard and deep, the combination of toothpaste and Toby going straight to my dick.

He kisses me back, tongue scrapping the roof of my mouth and then he pulls away. "Keller, I am *not* letting you fuck me in broad daylight. You're gonna have to wait until lights out. I am not getting thrown in the Hole."

I smile and turn so I'm leaning back against the wall next to the sink. "Don't worry Toby, I ain't gonna risk either of us going anywhere."

He cocks his head to the side and stares at me, his eyes asking 'then why did you just kiss me.'

"I can't help it if you're one sexy motherfucker when you brush your teeth."

He reaches out and squeezes my shoulder while shaking his head. "I'm gonna take a nap I think. Someone kept me up late last night." Toby hops up on his bunk and lays on his side, facing me. "Why don't you get some rest too, Chris. You never know what might come up tonight."

I laugh and walk over to the bunks. I run my hand across his thigh before ducking down into my own bunk. Lying on my back, hands linked behind my head, I try and figure out if I should tell him what I decided. After a few minutes, I just take a deep breath and go for it. "Hey Toby, you awake?"

"Yeah," he answers from above. He peers over the side. "You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm good." And the fact is, to my amazement, I am. When I decided, I thought it was just something I should do to keep the playing field even. Something I had to do so that Toby would know that this wasn't some con, that what we had was real. And that might be part of it, but it ain't all of it, not by a long shot. I realize I want it. Maybe even need it. "What's that thing you were talking 'bout yesterday, the quid quo shit?"

"Quid pro quo?" he asks sliding off the bunk to sit in the chair next to my bed.

"Yeah that. What's it mean again?"

He's looking at me seriously, like he's trying to decide where this conversation is going. I don't think he's got a clue. "An equal exchange. Why do you want to know Chris?"

"Well, what I was thinking about over there," I motion to the sink, "was maybe you'd be up to a little quid pro quo tonight."

"What?" he says, his voice suddenly hoarse.

Reaching out I squeeze his knee and turn my head so I'm looking directly into his eyes. "Tonight, I want you to fuck me."

He lets out a long breath he didn't realize he was holding. "Chris, you don't. We don't. I don't.."

I squeeze his knee harder and take a cue from our conversation the day before. "So you're saying, you don't want to fuck me?"

He slides off the chair and squats next to my bed, his head now very close to mine. "Yes, I want to, but I don't want you to do it just because you think you have to."

I lean over and let my lips brush his before I pull back. "Toby, have you ever seen me do something I didn't want to do?"

"No," he says breathless.

"I want you to fuck me."

He nods his head. "Ok," is all he says before standing up and hopping back up to his bunk.

Today though, the time between dinner and lights out stretches longer than my 88 fucking years. We try and play chess but neither one of us can concentrate. It feels different from yesterday. The air is thick with anticipation and more than a little apprehension. But finally the lights go out, and we move together like we've been doing this all our lives. He has his hand down my pants, and I'm yanking his shirt over his head, and all that matters is the feel of his warm, pliant body against mine.

I meant what I said when I talked to Sister Pete. I ached just to touch Toby. Don't get me wrong, I ain't gonna stop fucking him anytime soon. But just to touch him, to run my fingers across his shoulder, through his hair, along his thigh, and have him *not* recoil from my touch, have him *not* tell me to go fuck myself is more that I could have ever hoped for.

But then soon, he's got me stretched in my bunk on my stomach and just touching ain't nearly enough. Toby's mouth and hands are everywhere.

"Turn over," he says. And I resist. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can look him in the eyes as he fucks me. Sure, I've been fucked before, but it's never meant anything more than getting off or repaying a debt. I've never wanted it, never wanted someone so much before. But he's not taking no for an answer and soon he's using my own words against me. "I need you to look at me. I need for you to see *me*. It's just you and me, baby. You and me."

I wonder if it sounded so sincere, so earnest when I said it to him last night. I guess it must have because he turned over and faced his demons, faced me. "I love you Chris," he whispers in my ear, and that does it. I'll do whatever he asks just to hear him say those words to me again. Because I know he means it. He really fucking means it. And I don't know how to do this. Not when it's real.

But I turn over, and his mouth's on mine. I'm drowning in sweet, slow, open-mouthed kisses that leave me breathless and my dick throbbing. Petting my hair with one hand, he runs his other across my chest twirling his thumb around my nipples, and I just let myself feel. He straddles me so he's stretched out lengthwise on top of me and takes my hands in his and places them above our heads. He kisses along my jaw, then that tongue's back home in my mouth, twirling and twisting against mine until I'm not sure whose is whose.

Slipping his hand further down my stomach, he aligns our dicks together and begins to grind his body against mine, and I think maybe this will be enough for him. Just the slick slide of skin on skin. But soon he's leaning across my chest to reach the lotion he stashed underneath the bunk last night.

He grabs the lotion and looks deep in my eyes. "We don't have to do this, Chris," he says. "We don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You can fuck me instead."

And I want to laugh because he means it. If I say the word, he'll stop. He'll stop and lay himself bare for me. He'll open his body. He'll open his fucking soul to me if I ask him to. And the old Keller, the one that broke his bones and his heart, he'd take Toby up on his offer, just cause he could. But I ain't that Keller anymore. I pull his face to mine and kiss him hard, our teeth clanking together as I suck his tongue deep in my mouth. I break the kiss and nuzzle his ear. "Fuck me, Toby. Fuck me now."

He smiles and kisses me softly on the mouth. Reassurance or thanks, I'm not really sure. All I know is nobody's ever made me so at ease and scared shitless at the same time. I guess that's what happens when it's not just fucking. But then he's sucking my cock and sliding his slick fingers in my ass, and thinking takes a backseat to feeling. Because, for a novice, Toby's really fucking good at this. He takes his time, massaging, stretching, opening me up until I'm gasping in pleasure below him. "Toby," I pant.

He sees I'm ready and removes his fingers as he moves upward and nuzzles my ear. "You sure, Chris?" he whispers. "We can still stop."

I look at him, concern and worry radiating off his face, and I find it hard to breath. Nobody has ever worried about me the way he does. I smile at him, bearing my teeth and grab his ass tight. "Would you just fuck me already?" I say, arching upward, rubbing my cock against his. I feel his rumble of laughter against my neck. And soon, he's moving, doing what I asked.

He locks his eyes with mine as he slowly pushes his way inside. I exhale in short, panting breaths and lose myself in Toby's eyes. Nobody's ever looked at me like Toby does. Not even my ex-wives. It's like he can see inside me, down deep where no one else has bothered to look. And then he's inside me. Literally. He stops and waits. I watch him fight the urge to pull back and thrust deep. His body's clenched and his forehead veins protrude across the top of his face. He's coiled so tight, I'm afraid he might pop one of those veins. But he won't move, he won't give in. Not until he's gotten some sign from me that's it's ok.

I arch my head up and run my tongue along those veins. "Come on Toby. Fuck me," I say digging my fingers into his shoulders. I drop my head back against the pillow and wrap my legs around his back. Raised up on his forearms, he smiles down at me with such a look of rapture that it makes me shudder beneath him. He pulls out tentatively and slides back in, the look of bliss never leaving his face. And then he's moving, slow, steady strokes at first. And it feels so fucking good.

My dick had gone soft at entry, but now Toby's lotion-slick fist is wrapped around it, and it's full and throbbing. He's thrusting faster now, and he's pumping my cock with the same rhythm that he's driving into me, and I know I won't last long. But the way he's looking down at me, his eyes wide open, like I've given him some amazing gift he just can't quite comprehend is what takes my breath away. It's too much. Way too fucking much. I want to close my eyes, but I don't. I can't. Because nobody's ever looked at *me* like that before. And as good as his dick feels in my ass or his hand against my cock, that's not what's gonna make me come, it's gonna be the look of love on Toby's face, the trust in his eyes that's gonna send me over. And suddenly, I have to hear him say my name like he did that first night. I need it in a way I don't understand, but soon I hear myself begging, "Say my name Toby. Oh Christ, please say my name."

And he does. Over and over again. "Chris, Chris, Chris," he chants like a prayer and a promise. But it sounds so different now. Like it really is a prayer. Like there's nothing more sacred to him then my name.

Then me.

And it's too much, and I can't stop myself. I arch up into him and come, my cock spurting all over our chests. And with one more frantic thrust, he's shooting inside me, my name still on his tongue. And I have never felt so complete, so content.

"I love you Chris," he says, still shaking from the aftershocks of his orgasm. I wrap my arms and legs around him tight and just hold him against me because for the first time in my life, I believe in something, in someone. I don't ever want to lose this feeling

I know what trust is now and I know where to find it. It's wrapped up in my arms.

And I ain't ever letting go.

—FIN—


End file.
